I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
