Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
