Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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