i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
