I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
do nipples grow back?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
