But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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