Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
