Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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