i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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