how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
