You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
