I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
