Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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