Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
