Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
