I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have aggressive nipples.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
