why do cheetos always look like penises
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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