sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
