p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They took my balls.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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