It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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