I puked a lego.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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