that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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