Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
