well I can't set my house on fire every night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
