Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
