We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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