Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
