Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dignity is for republicans.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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