I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
