I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
