If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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