Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
