the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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