I'm gonna have a badass scar
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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