Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
