I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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