Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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