I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
