I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
