I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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