your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
