Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
