I met the friendliest cop last night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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