don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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