college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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