the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
