You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
