First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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