I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
