pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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