This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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