you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
