I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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