I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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