he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
