Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
