saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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