look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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