You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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