but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Randomize
