ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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